Why I Am Done With Dating in Puerto Rico

Welcome to another chapter in my radically wild saga. In this blog, I want to take you deeper into my thoughts and lived experience around why I am done with dating. Not from bitterness, rejection, or resignation, but from clarity, wholeness, and deep self-connection. This is a reflection on solitude, self-love, conscious living, and what happens when you stop searching outside yourself for what you have already cultivated within. If you have ever questioned dating, intimacy, or the constant pursuit of connection, this chapter may resonate more than you expect.

I’ve lived in Puerto Rico for fifteen years, and dating here has not been easy for me.

Over the years, my life has changed in ways that don’t fit neatly into modern dating culture. I live sober now—you can read more about my sober life here—and I’ve also written about why sober dating in Puerto Rico has not been easy. I also wrote about why I practiced abstinence for eight years, which I’ve shared openly as part of my inward journey. That period was not about denial. It was about turning toward myself and facing an honest question: how could I truly love someone else if I did not yet love myself completely?

Many of us skip that part. We search for love, affection, and validation in others before we’ve cultivated it within ourselves.

During that inward journey, I found what had been missing. I learned to want myself. I learned to love myself. I completed myself. I became whole on my own.

After abstinence, I did try to date again. It simply has not worked out, especially when you are walking a conscious path. It is not easy to find someone with similar values, someone moving at a similar wavelength, someone who radiates their own authenticity rather than performing one. I’ve written more about this in my blog, “Why Finding a Conscious Partner in Puerto Rico Isn’t Easy,” where I explain further about what I seek in a partner.

That context matters for everything that follows.

Why Solitude Became Non-Negotiable

I truly love my solitude. I’m even addicted to it, because it’s where I am at peace.

When you reach a place where your own company feels rich, alive, and grounding, dating starts to feel unnecessary. I honestly began to ask myself: what is the point of having someone when I already enjoy all that I am? When I wholeheartedly enjoy my own presence?

Dating at this stage of my life and journey just feels empty and shallow. It offers little substance compared to the richness I already live in my solitude, my connection with nature, and the love I’ve cultivated within myself.

For me, a woman’s presence would have to feel like solitude. Calm. Grounded. Spacious. Something that adds to my peace rather than takes away from it. That has been rare, and I’ve learned to respect that reality instead of forcing connection where it doesn’t belong.

This is one of the primary reasons I’m done with the rigamarole of dating.

I’ve reached a point where I’ve lost almost all interest in talking to women or trying to get to know someone romantically. It’s not bitterness, avoidance, or fear. It simply feels unnecessary. When your inner world is full, when your days are rich with meaning, presence, and peace, the impulse to seek something outside of yourself naturally fades.

I’m already in a deep relationship with myself. I’m already in a deep relationship with nature. That is where my focus is.

I’m no longer interested in spending my time and energy on superficiality or on connections that skim the surface while costing inner peace.

Dating as an emotionally intelligent and emotionally mature man has not been easy. Depth is rare. Emotional awareness is rare. I’m not drawn to surface-level connections or shallow exchanges. I’m attracted to the mind, to presence, to inner work, to someone who has done their own digging.

When you live this way, compatibility narrows. And instead of lowering my standards or pretending depth doesn’t matter, I’ve chosen peace.

Love, Sex, and Intimacy Reimagined

Many seek sex because, as human creatures, we crave intimacy. We seek closeness, touch, and connection. But my intimacy is truth. It is presence. It is authenticity. It is seeing and being seen without need, without performance, without agenda.

It is the kind of closeness that cannot be hurried or forced. It moves slowly, like the river over the rocks, like sunlight creeping over the mountains at dawn. It is a quiet understanding, a resonance that requires no explanation, no performance, no pretense.

It is a communion with life itself, the rustle of leaves, the whisper of the wind, the heartbeat of the earth beneath your feet. It is a conversation with the self, a deep gaze into your own soul, and a dialogue with nature that speaks louder than words ever could.

It is beyond fleeting desire. It is beyond lust or need. It is a connection that nourishes, grounds, and expands you. It is the kind of intimacy that lingers in the spaces between moments, in the pause after a laugh, in the silence that feels fuller than any conversation.

Sex and intimacy are often treated as transactional or performative. For me, they are an extension of truth. A reflection of wholeness, not a patch for emptiness. I do not chase it, because I already live it in the stillness of my own presence, in the laughter at the rivers, in the whispering winds, and in the heartbeat of the land around me.

The Cat-and-Mouse Game

Dating often turns into a chase. Someone runs. Someone pursues. Attention becomes currency. Validation becomes the prize.

You’re expected to compete, perform, invest time and effort, and stay engaged long enough to be chosen. And even then, it often goes nowhere.

That dynamic never resonated with me.

I don’t chase. I attract.

I stand in my authenticity. I live my life fully. If someone truly values me, they will make it known. I’m not interested in chasing interest, proving worth, or auditioning for affection.

A game that requires hunger and competition isn’t connection to me.

So I am choosing to no longer participate in this game.

This Is Not Closing a Door. It’s Stopping the Search

I’m not anti-love. I’m not anti-connection.

I’m anti-need.

If connection ever appears again, it will come from wholeness, not lack. My life is already full. Anyone who enters would be an addition, not a necessity.

If a woman truly values me, she won’t need to be chased. Presence will be mutual. Interest will be clear. Effort will be natural.

Until then, I’m content standing where I am, living fully, enjoying my own company, and letting life unfold.

This isn’t bitterness. It’s alignment.

Becoming the Garden

The biggest realization on my journey is this: I am love.

I am done chasing the butterfly. Instead, I have created a beautiful garden rooted in self-love, presence, and truth. A garden full of peace, vitality, and depth. That is what I have to give. All the love, presence, and energy I’ve accumulated through this journey.

I know my worth. I know my value. I don’t need to place myself on a pedestal or perform for a woman to see who I am. If she is aligned, she will recognize it naturally.

Eventually, a butterfly may be attracted to this garden. It may choose to come in, rest, and enjoy the flowers. And if that day comes, it will be because the energy is right, not because of pursuit or effort.

For now, I am happy living my life to its fullest. I am both the garden and the butterfly, moving freely, enjoying the beauty I have created. A life full of peace, love, freedom, happiness, and quiet abundance.

Closing Reflection

I didn’t quit dating because I failed at it. I stepped away because I succeeded at becoming whole. When you no longer need love, you stop bargaining for it.

I am not looking to be chosen. I am not auditioning. I am living. Whoever enters my life must meet me where I stand, grounded, complete, and at peace.

I am complete on my own. I don’t need anyone to make me happy or to fill a void.

So the real question becomes this:
what will this person bring to the table that isn’t already there?

over to you

This chapter is not an ending. It is a return. A return to self, to presence, to truth. If this resonated with you, I invite you to pause and reflect. Why do you date? What are you truly seeking? Is it connection, or is it distraction? Wholeness, or escape? Are you comfortable in your own company, or are you still searching for yourself in someone else? I would genuinely love to hear your thoughts and perspectives. Leave a comment below and share where you are on your own journey. We all walk different paths, but honest reflection is where real growth begins. Until the next chapter, stay true, stay wild, and keep returning to yourself.