Why I Am Done With Dating in Puerto Rico

Welcome to another chapter in my radically wild saga. In this blog, I want to take you deeper into my thoughts and lived experience around why I am done with dating. Not from bitterness, rejection, or resignation, but from clarity, wholeness, and deep self-connection. This is a reflection on solitude, self-love, conscious living, and what happens when you stop searching outside yourself for what you have already cultivated within. If you have ever questioned dating, intimacy, or the constant pursuit of connection, this chapter may resonate more than you expect.

I’ve lived in Puerto Rico for fifteen years, and dating here has not been easy for me.

Over the years, my life has changed in ways that don’t fit neatly into modern dating culture. I live sober now, you can read more about my sober life here, and this is my third post related to dating in this series. I’ve also written about why sober dating in Puerto Rico has not been easy. I also wrote about why I practiced abstinence for eight years, which I’ve shared openly as part of my inward journey. That period was not about denial. It was about turning toward myself and facing an honest question: how could I truly love someone else if I did not yet love myself completely?

Many of us skip that part. We search for love, affection, and validation in others before we’ve cultivated it within ourselves.

During that inward journey, I found what had been missing. I learned to want myself. I learned to love myself. I completed myself. I became whole on my own.

After abstinence, I did try to date again. It simply has not worked out, especially when you are walking a conscious path. It is not easy to find someone with similar values, someone moving at a similar wavelength, someone who radiates their own authenticity rather than performing one. I’ve written more about this in my blog, “Why Finding a Conscious Partner in Puerto Rico Isn’t Easy,” where I explain further about what I seek in a partner.

That context matters for everything that follows.

Why Solitude Became Non Negotiable

I truly love my solitude. I’m even addicted to it, because it’s where I am at peace.

When you reach a place where your own company feels rich, alive, and grounding, dating starts to feel unnecessary. I honestly began to ask myself: what is the point of having someone when I already enjoy all that I am? When I wholeheartedly enjoy my own presence?

Dating at this stage of my life and journey just feels empty and shallow. It offers little substance compared to the richness I already live in my solitude, my connection with nature, and the love I’ve cultivated within myself.

For me, a woman’s presence would have to feel like solitude. Calm. Grounded. Spacious. Something that adds to my peace rather than takes away from it. That has been rare, and I’ve learned to respect that reality instead of forcing connection where it doesn’t belong.

This is one of the primary reasons I’m done with the rigamarole of dating.

I’ve reached a point where I’ve lost almost all interest in talking to women or in trying to get to know someone romantically. It’s not bitterness, avoidance, or fear. It simply feels unnecessary. When your inner world is full, when your days are rich with meaning, presence, and peace, the impulse to seek something outside of yourself naturally fades.

As the guardian of the beaches, when I walk with my signs and care for the shoreline, I meet many beautiful women along the way. But at this stage of my life, I am no longer drawn to beauty alone. I am attracted to energy. I am attracted to the mind. It is rare to find someone who can truly stimulate my mind, someone whose energy is compatible with mine, someone I feel a deep, natural connection with. Beauty without depth no longer holds my attention.

Now, would I like someone to join me on my wild barefoot adventures, share laughs and deep conversations, ohhs and ahhs over rainbows, waterfalls, and sunsets? Have someone to release our inner child with, play in the mud, and dance in the rain? Sure. But that’s the thing with me, I enjoy all of that on my own because I truly enjoy my own company. When you have a kick ass time alone, why need anyone else? My happiness, peace, and solitude are pretty big shoes to fill. No one could make me crack up like I do. Besides, not to be cocky or arrogant, but not many could keep up with my wild monkey ways.

I’m already in a deep relationship with myself. I’m already in a deep relationship with nature. That is where my focus is.

And that is another rare thing to find. Someone who shares a deep connection with themselves and with nature. Someone who gets excited by the moon, the stars, the simple spectacles of life. Someone who feels alive watching clouds move, listening to rain fall, or standing barefoot on the earth. Someone whose energy moves in harmony with nature and can meet mine there, not just intellectually, but viscerally, emotionally, and spiritually.

I’m no longer interested in spending my time and energy on superficiality or on connections that skim the surface while costing inner peace.

Dating as an emotionally intelligent and emotionally mature man has not been easy. Depth is rare. Emotional awareness is rare. I’m not drawn to surface level connections or shallow exchanges. I’m attracted to the mind, to presence, to inner work, to someone who has done their own digging.

When you live this way, compatibility naturally narrows. Fewer people can move at your wavelength, share your depth, or resonate with your energy. And instead of lowering my standards, pretending depth doesn’t matter, or softening myself to fit someone else’s expectations, I’ve chosen peace, authenticity, and a life lived fully on my own terms.

Love, Sex, and Intimacy Reimagined

Many seek sex because, as human creatures, we crave intimacy. We seek closeness, touch, and connection. But my intimacy is truth. It is presence. It is authenticity. It is seeing and being seen without need, without performance, without agenda.

It is the kind of closeness that cannot be hurried or forced. It moves slowly, like the river over the rocks, like sunlight creeping over the mountains at dawn. It is a quiet understanding, a resonance that requires no explanation, no performance, no pretense.

It is a communion with life itself, the rustle of leaves, the whisper of the wind, the heartbeat of the earth beneath your feet. It is a conversation with the self, a deep gaze into your own soul, and a dialogue with nature that speaks louder than words ever could.

It is beyond fleeting desire. It is beyond lust or need. It is a connection that nourishes, grounds, and expands you. It is the kind of intimacy that lingers in the spaces between moments, in the pause after a laugh, in the silence that feels fuller than any conversation.

Sex and intimacy are often treated as transactional or performative. For me, they are an extension of truth. A reflection of wholeness, not a patch for emptiness. I do not chase it, because I already live it in the stillness of my own presence, in the laughter at the rivers, in the whispering winds, and in the heartbeat of the land around me.

The Cat-and-Mouse Game

Dating often turns into a chase. Someone runs. Someone pursues. Attention becomes currency. Validation becomes the prize.

You’re expected to compete, perform, invest time and effort, and stay engaged long enough to be chosen. And even then, it often goes nowhere.

That dynamic never resonated with me.

I don’t chase. I attract.

I stand in my authenticity. I live my life fully. If someone truly values me, they will make it known. I’m not interested in chasing interest, proving worth, or auditioning for affection.

A game that requires hunger and competition isn’t connection to me.

So I am choosing to no longer participate in this game.

This Is Not Closing a Door. It’s Stopping the Search

I’m not anti-love. I’m not anti-connection.

I’m anti-need.

If connection ever appears again, it will come from wholeness, not lack. My life is already full. Anyone who enters would be an addition, not a necessity.

If a woman truly values me, she won’t need to be chased. Presence will be mutual. Interest will be clear. Effort will be natural.

Until then, I’m content standing where I am, living fully, enjoying my own company, and letting life unfold.

This isn’t bitterness. It’s alignment.

A Rare Breed

I’ve come to realize that I am not for everyone. And I say that without arrogance or egotistically , without superiority, simply with clarity. The way I live, think, and move through the world does not fit into the mainstream mold. I walk a quieter path. A deeper one. And that alone already makes me a rare breed.

I live barefoot. Grounded. Connected to the earth in a way that most people have forgotten or never explored. This way of living brings me freedom, presence, and joy, but I’m also aware that it may not appeal to many women. It doesn’t look polished. It doesn’t follow convention. It isn’t concerned with appearances or social expectations. It is raw, natural, and unapologetically real.

Because of that, I understand that if connection were ever to happen again, it would likely need to be with someone just as rare. Not perfect, but authentic. Someone who has done their own inner work. Someone who values depth over image, presence over performance, truth over comfort.

I’m not seeking someone to complete me. I’m not seeking someone to fix or save anything. I’m seeking resonance. Alignment. A meeting of two whole beings who choose each other freely, not out of lack, fear, or loneliness.

And the truth is, when you live outside the norm, your options naturally narrow. But I’ve learned that fewer options is not a loss when what you value is depth, authenticity, and peace.

I am a weird, strange, funny, silly, fun-loving, playful, compassionate, poetic, philosophical, conscious, wild man. Unfiltered, raw, and full of happiness, peace, love, and freedom. I am curious, fearless, untamed, and deeply alive. A barefoot wanderer, a thinker, a dreamer, a laugher, a lover of life in all its messy beauty. A man on a mission who feels deeply, moves freely, and celebrates the extraordinary in the ordinary. A man filled with deliciously vibrant energy and light who celebrates the beauty of life and sees the beauty in everything. Hear me roar, baby.

And most of these qualities are things I also seek in someone. I want a woman unafraid to be a weirdo like me, someone who can match my laughter and spark her own in return. Someone who sees the magic in the ordinary, the beauty in everything, so we can share it together as one. A rare soul unpolished by convention, bold enough to be herself fully, playful enough to dance in the rain and laugh in the mud, curious enough to explore life with wide-eyed wonder. Someone to be rare with, to move through the world in harmony with, celebrating the extraordinary in the everyday, and creating a life together that is as wild, authentic, and alive as our hearts can hold.

Finding that is not easy in this world. As I mentioned before, it’s rare to encounter someone who stands fully in their authenticity and truth, unafraid to embrace their own quirks, wildness, and depth. Someone whose energy naturally resonates with mine, who celebrates life in all its raw, beautiful, messy glory.

And not to toot my own horn, but if someone cannot handle all of this wonderfully strange, alive, unapologetically wild energy, then I simply keep moving along, enjoying this beautiful life as happy as can be.

That realization naturally brings me here. Finding someone who matches this energy and authenticity is rare, and I have come to accept that it is not easy to find. It has made me even more committed to living fully in my own truth, honoring the life I have built, and continuing to cultivate the peace, joy, and freedom that already thrive within me.

Why I Refuse to Compromise My Way of Life

At this stage of my journey, I am no longer willing to shrink, soften, or dilute who I am in order to be palatable to someone else. Too often, dating comes with subtle negotiations. Adjust this. Tone that down. Be more “normal.” Be more convenient. Be more acceptable.

I’m not interested in that trade.

My way of life is not a phase. It is not an aesthetic. It is not something I’m experimenting with until the right person comes along. It is who I am. I live barefoot. I live close to the land. I live sober, simply, intentionally. I value silence, solitude, depth, and truth more than social approval or romantic validation.

Companionship should not require self-abandonment.

I’ve reached a point where I see clearly that many people date while unconsciously negotiating away pieces of themselves just to avoid being alone. They compromise their rhythms, their values, their boundaries, and even their inner peace for the comfort of proximity. I refuse to do that.

If connection requires me to be less wild, less grounded, less present, or less myself, then it is not connection. It is a contract. And I am no longer signing contracts that cost me my freedom.

I am not closed to sharing my life. I am simply unwilling to rearrange it to fit someone else’s expectations. Anyone who enters my world must meet me where I stand, not ask me to step away from what I have built.

This is not rigidity. It is clarity.

And clarity has saved me from many compromises I would have regretted.

In this life, I wore many masks to fit into a world that never truly felt like home. My conscious journey has been one of removing those masks, peeling back layers, and standing fully in my authenticity. I refuse to put a mask back on just to fit someone else’s idea of what an ideal partner should look like. I am no longer interested in shrinking, softening, or reshaping myself for companionship. I will not be a square peg trying to force myself into a round hole. I choose to stand as I am, unfiltered, barefoot, and real, even if that means standing alone in my peaceful solitude.

Becoming the Garden

The biggest realization on my journey is this: I am love.

I am done chasing the butterfly. Instead, I have created a beautiful garden rooted in self-love, presence, and truth. A garden full of peace, vitality, and depth. That is what I have to give. All the love, presence, and energy I’ve accumulated through this journey.

I know my worth. I know my value. I don’t need to place myself on a pedestal or perform for a woman to see who I am. If she is aligned, she will recognize it naturally.

Eventually, a butterfly may be attracted to this garden. It may choose to come in, rest, and enjoy the flowers. And if that day comes, it will be because the energy is right, not because of pursuit or effort.

For now, I am happy living my life to its fullest. I am both the garden and the butterfly, moving freely, enjoying the beauty I have created. A life full of peace, love, freedom, happiness, and quiet abundance.

Closing Reflection

I didn’t quit dating because I failed at it. I stepped away because I succeeded at becoming whole. When you no longer need love, you stop bargaining for it.

I am not looking to be chosen. I am not auditioning. I am living. Whoever enters my life must meet me where I stand, grounded, complete, and at peace.

I am complete on my own. I don’t need anyone to make me happy or to fill a void.

So the real question becomes this:
what will this person bring to the table that isn’t already there?

over to you

This chapter is not an ending. It is a return. A return to self, to presence, to truth. If this resonated with you, I invite you to pause and reflect. Why do you date? What are you truly seeking? Is it connection, or is it distraction? Wholeness, or escape? Are you comfortable in your own company, or are you still searching for yourself in someone else? I would genuinely love to hear your thoughts and perspectives. Leave a comment below and share where you are on your own journey. We all walk different paths, but honest reflection is where real growth begins. Until the next chapter, stay true, stay wild, and keep returning to yourself.