Welcome to another chapter of my journey to uncover the truth buried beneath the layers of conformity. Today, we peel back another veil to reveal the stories, struggles, and revelations that have shaped my path to freedom, a path to rediscovering who I truly am.
On my journey, I quit drinking alcohol, became vegan, went barefoot, and began living much like an ascetic. In this chapter, I dive into abstinence. It has been both challenging and transformative. Through this practice, I have uncovered raw truths and profound lessons about breaking free from the chains of indulgence. Together, let us step into the wild and explore what lies beneath the surface.
Abstinence is a word heavy with meaning. To some, it represents discipline. To others, sacrifice. For me, abstinence is liberation. Here in Puerto Rico, I embraced this practice as part of my journey of self-discovery and self-discipline. Learning to control the mind rather than allowing the mind to control me. For eight years, I chose this path of abstinence and continue to walk it today. Not out of obligation, but because it has become a cornerstone of my freedom.
I did not arrive at this choice overnight. It was the result of years spent tethered to habits that drained my energy, clouded my mind, and dulled my connection to life. I came to understand that if I wanted to reclaim my mind and body from the grip of distraction, I needed to make a deliberate and conscious shift.
For me, abstinence is about far more than refraining from physical desire. It is a practice of removing noise. The constant hum of fleeting pleasures that pull us away from our deeper selves. By clearing that clutter, I found the stillness to hear the quiet wisdom within. And it is in that stillness where I discovered freedom.
"Freedom is not procured by a full enjoyment of what is desired, but by controlling the desire." — Epictetus
In Search of Self-Love
There was a time when I felt completely enslaved by my impulses. Every craving, whether for food, sex, or comfort, felt like a heavy chain pulling me away from the clarity I was seeking. I came to see that indulgence, though satisfying in the moment, often left me emptier than before. The problem was not pleasure itself, but my attachment to it. I relied on fleeting moments to feel whole.
I was not always aware of this. Before I embraced abstinence, I was a womanizer. An asshole who did not care about a woman’s feelings. All I wanted was “wham bam thank you ma’am.” Temporary pleasure without connection or consequence was my goal. One-night stands were routine. Relationships meant nothing to me. But as I went deeper into this journey of self-discovery, I realized that sex in its shallow and meaningless form was just another layer of conformity I needed to shed.
What I was truly missing was self-love. I had to rediscover myself first. How could I give myself to another if I did not even know who I was? How could I give love if I had never learned how to give it to myself?
I had to learn how to love myself fully and deeply. Not in theory, but in practice. Through solitude, discipline, and honest reflection. What began as emptiness slowly became fertile ground. I started tending to myself the way one tends a garden. With patience. With care. With presence. Removing what no longer served me and nourishing what wanted to grow. This is the love I now cultivate within myself. A living, breathing garden. And this is the love I would now offer a woman. Not something taken in hunger, but something shared in wholeness.
A Return to Simplicity
After cultivating this garden of self-love, I began to notice how much of my life had been clouded by unnecessary clutter, habits, and distractions. The more I cared for myself, the clearer I could see what truly mattered. It became obvious that to live fully and authentically, I had to strip away excess and embrace a simpler way of being.
Choosing abstinence was never just about saying no to temptations. It was about saying yes to something far greater. Every indulgence felt like a thick layer of fog, blurring my connection to nature and to the core of who I am. Abstinence became a way to peel back those layers, revealing something raw and genuine beneath.
Freed from the relentless pull of desire, I finally found the space to breathe deeply and fully. Over time, I grew into a harmonious relationship with both nature and solitude, learning to genuinely enjoy my own company without distractions or interruptions. I discovered a profound kind of joy in simplicity, a joy far richer and more lasting than any fleeting pleasure could offer. It is the deep joy of sitting quietly by a gently flowing river, fully present in the moment, without a single worry. It is the profound peace that comes with truly knowing I am enough just as I am, without needing or wanting anything more.
Through this journey, I found my peace, my freedom, my love, and my happiness.
"He who controls his desires is stronger than he who conquers his enemies; for the hardest victory is the victory over self." — Aristotle
My relationship with nature
Abstinence as Self-Mastery
Through simplicity, I discovered the stillness necessary to observe my impulses without being swept away by them. Freed from the constant pull of desire and distraction, I realized that abstinence was not a denial of life, but a conscious choice to master it. This practice became a tool to deepen my awareness and strengthen my will, guiding me to live with purpose and presence.
To me, abstinence is an act of self-mastery. It is the recognition that I am not my urges, but the one who observes them. I decide whether to act on them or let them pass. This awareness has strengthened my will and given me a deeper sense of control over my life.
Abstinence is not about suppression or denial. It is about directing my energy toward what truly matters. By choosing this path, I have aligned my life with my values. I have deepened my bond with nature and, in doing so, rediscovered my bond with myself, cultivating a lasting peace within.
In this stillness, I have learned to listen more closely. To the rhythms of the earth. To the quiet voice within. To the subtle shifts in my own being. Abstinence has created space for clarity, for purpose, and for connection. Through this practice, I continue to discover who I am beyond desire and distraction.
What Am I Truly Seeking?
This path hasn’t been without its challenges. Society often glorifies indulgence, framing abstinence as outdated or extreme. I’ve had moments of doubt and weakness, but each time I faltered, I returned to this question.
The answer has always been freedom. Not the fleeting freedom of acting on impulse, but the enduring freedom of knowing I am in control of myself. Abstinence has given me that.
Now, I no longer strive for meaningless connections. I seek something deep and raw, untainted by superficiality or passing desires. I crave a connection of the mind, a meeting that sparks with understanding and harmony. A bond that transcends the physical, rooted in shared values and the courage to embrace vulnerability. I yearn for conversations that peel back the layers of pretense, revealing truths that challenge, inspire, and awaken. This is not about perfection or appearances. It is about authenticity, a resonance that feels like coming home to a part of myself I didn’t know was missing.
A Path Toward Truth
Ultimately, my journey toward abstinence has been a journey toward truth. It has taught me that fulfillment does not come from external sources but from within. By letting go of what I once thought I needed, I have found what I was truly searching for all along.
This path is not for everyone, but for those who feel drawn to it, I encourage you to explore it. Abstinence is not about deprivation. It is about discovery. It is about peeling back the layers to reveal your truest self and realizing that beneath it all, you are already free.
Over to You
If this post resonates with you, take a moment to pause and reflect. What does abstinence mean to you? How might embracing discipline bring freedom into your life? Let us inspire one another. Share your thoughts below. I would love to hear from you.
