Welcome to another chapter of my journey to uncover the truth buried beneath the layers of conformity. Today, we peel back another veil to reveal the stories, struggles, and revelations that have shaped my path to freedom, a path to rediscovering who I truly am.
On my journey, I quit drinking alcohol, became vegan, went barefoot, and began living much like an ascetic. In this chapter, I dive into abstinence. It has been both challenging and transformative. Through this practice, I have uncovered raw truths and profound lessons about breaking free from the chains of indulgence. Together, let us step into the wild and explore what lies beneath the surface.
Abstinence is a word heavy with meaning. To some, it speaks of discipline; to others, it echoes sacrifice. For me, abstinence is liberation. Here in Puerto Rico, I embraced this practice as part of my journey of self-discovery and discipline. For the past eight years, I have chosen this path and continue to walk it today. Why? Because abstinence has become a cornerstone of my freedom.
I did not arrive at this choice overnight. It was the result of years spent tethered to habits that drained my energy, clouded my mind, and dulled my connection to life. I realized that if I wanted to reclaim my mind and body from the grips of distraction, I needed to make a deliberate shift.
For me, abstinence is about more than refraining from physical desires. It is a practice of removing the noise, the constant hum of fleeting pleasures that distract us from our true selves. By clearing that clutter, I have found the stillness to hear the quiet wisdom within. It is in that stillness where I have discovered freedom.
“Freedom is not procured by a full enjoyment of what is desired, but by controlling the desire.” — Epictetus
The Realization of Loss
There was a time when I felt completely enslaved by my impulses. Every craving, whether for food, sex, or comfort, felt like a heavy chain pulling me away from the clarity I desperately sought. I came to see that indulgence, though satisfying in the moment, often left me feeling emptier than before. The problem was not the pleasure itself but the attachment to it, the way I relied on those fleeting moments to feel whole.
I was not always this way. Before I embraced abstinence, I was a womanizer, an asshole who didn’t care about a woman’s feelings. All I wanted was “wam bam thank you, ma’am.” Temporary pleasure without thought for connection or consequence was my only goal. One-night stands were routine, and relationships were never on my mind. But as I went deeper into this journey of self-discovery, I realized that sex in its shallow, meaningless form was just another layer of conformity I needed to shed.
What I was truly missing was self-love. I had to embark on a journey to rediscover myself. How could I give myself to another if I did not even know who I was? I needed to nurture myself, to heal the parts of me that had long been neglected. This became a process of focusing all my attention on becoming the best version of myself, a journey to uncover what I truly wanted.
A Return to Simplicity
Choosing abstinence was never just about saying no to temptations. It was about saying yes to something far greater. I began to see that every indulgence acted like a thick layer of fog, blurring my connection to nature and to the core of who I am. Abstinence became a way to peel back those layers, to reveal something raw and genuine beneath.
Freed from the relentless and constant pull of desire, I finally found the much-needed room to breathe deeply and fully. Over time, I have grown into a beautiful and harmonious relationship with both nature and solitude, learning to genuinely enjoy my own company without any distractions or interruptions. I discovered a profound kind of joy in simplicity, a joy far richer and more lasting than any fleeting pleasure could ever hope to match. It is the deep joy of sitting quietly by a gently flowing river, fully present and engaged in the moment without a single worry. It is the profound peace that comes with truly knowing I am enough just as I am, without needing or wanting anything more at all.
“He who controls his desires is stronger than he who conquers his enemies; for the hardest victory is the victory over self.” — Aristotle
My relationship with nature
Abstinence as Self-Mastery
To me, abstinence is an act of self-mastery. It means recognizing that I am not my urges but the one who watches them. I decide whether to act on them or let them pass. This awareness has strengthened my willpower and given me a deep sense of control over my life.
Abstinence is not about suppression or denial. It is about shifting my energy toward what truly matters. By choosing this path, I have focused on pursuits that reflect my values. I have grown my farm, deepened my bond with nature, and cultivated a lasting peace within myself.
In this stillness, I have learned to listen more closely—to the rhythms of the earth, to the quiet voice inside me, and to the subtle shifts in my own being. Abstinence has created space for clarity, for purpose, and for a deeper connection to all that surrounds me. It is through this practice that I continue to discover who I am beyond desire and distraction.
What Am I Truly Seeking?
This path hasn’t been without its challenges. Society often glorifies indulgence, framing abstinence as outdated or extreme. I’ve had moments of doubt and weakness, but each time I’ve faltered, I’ve returned to this question.
The answer has always been freedom. Not the fleeting freedom of acting on impulse but the enduring freedom of knowing I am in control of myself. Abstinence has given me that.
Now, I no longer strive for meaningless connections. I seek something deep and raw, untainted by superficiality or fleeting desires. I crave a connection of the mind, a meeting that sparks with understanding and harmony. A bond that transcends the physical, rooted in shared values and the courage to embrace vulnerability. I yearn for conversations that peel back the layers of pretenses, revealing truths that challenge, inspire, and awaken. This is not about perfection or appearances; it’s about authenticity, a resonance that feels like coming home to a part of myself I didn’t know was missing.
A Path Toward Truth
Ultimately, my journey toward abstinence has been a journey toward truth. It has taught me that fulfillment does not come from external sources but from within. By letting go of what I once thought I needed, I have found what I was truly searching for all along.
This path is not for everyone, but for those who feel drawn to it, I encourage you to explore it. Abstinence is not about deprivation; it is about discovery. It is about peeling back the layers to reveal your truest self and realizing that beneath it all, you are already free.
Over to You
If this post resonates with you, take a moment to pause and reflect: What does abstinence mean to you? How might embracing discipline bring freedom into your life? Let’s inspire one another—please share your thoughts below. I would love to hear from you.
